How the Relationship Between Sisters Changes Over Time

Ahhh… sisters!  They can be your best friend, your confidant, your nemesis and lots of things in between! Sisterhood is a complex combination of shared history and independence; a relationship that evolves and changes with time. While each group of sisters will have their own unique story, here are six ways the relationship between sisters often changes over time.

1. They are first friends.

Sisters learn about interacting with other girls from each other. Whether you shared a room or had your own space, as a child your sister knew more about you than any other person on the planet. You could act cool or put on sophisticated airs at school but she knew if you kept candy under the bed or spent your nights mooning over the boy who say in front of you in homeroom. Sisters teach you how to share, how to be compassionate, and how to make up after an argument.

2. They are rivals.

Sisters are rivals at some or many points in their life. When a second girl enters a family, the first is suddenly cast as the “big sister” with all the expectations that come along with it. They may resent this new bundle of joy and not welcome being a role model and helper for their little sister. Later, rivalries between sisters can be about boys. My sister was three years ahead of me in school. I vividly remember liking a boy who ate lunch at my table and how all he ever wanted to talk about was how amazing my sister was.  I was less than amused and anxious for her to graduate and go to college! Sisters may compete for their parents attention, to get better grades, be more popular. Later, they may compete over their career success or about who is a better mother or has the better children.

3. They are partners in crime.

Remember those summer days when you and your sister would go out in the yard in search of adventure?  The hose fight that seemed so innocent and fun became big trouble when you ended up soaking the clothes mom had hung out to dry! Sisters are the best partners in crime – or just mischievous fun – because they know each other so well. An exchanged glance becomes an elaborate plan to play a trick on a brother, father, or the family dog. Think back to fun antics from your childhood and I bet your sister was right there with you!

4. They push each other’s buttons.

Sisters have a knack for finding and pushing each other’s buttons. They know just what to say to bring you down or build you up, depending on their mood, and you do too!

5. They grow up together.

Sisters share a special bond. Older sisters model for younger sisters how to act in front of boys, how to use makeup, do their hair, and more. Younger sisters often get to do things sooner than their older siblings as rules and expectations become more relaxed (often because the parents are getting tired)! Sisters share celebrations and heartache. They support each other through each stage of life; the transition from childhood to the teen years to being a young and then aging woman.

6. They have each others back.

No matter how strained a relationship is between sisters, you will see the family loyalty kick in if you dare say anything bad about a girl’s sister! It’s the “I can bad mouth her because she’s my sister but you sure can’t!” Sisters look out for each other and are there in times of need. That need might be lipstick when out on the town or a shoulder to cry on during a nasty breakup. Big or small, sisters are there for each other.

Having and being a sister is special. It’s a relationship and a bond that you should work at so it stands the test of time. Sisters become the person you can go to who will remember that bad haircut when you were 10 years old or how unreasonable the curfew was in your home growing up. They will celebrate your successes and pick you up and help you through the tough times. You can laugh together and cry together. If you are lucky enough to have a sister – or a few – reach out and tell them how lucky they are to have YOU as a sister!

Featured photo credit: Tara Reed via flickr.com

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This Is Why Art Therapy Is the New Trend

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to have any artistic skills to benefit from art therapy. Why not?

It’s not the finished product that matters. It’s the process.

The Art Therapy Association defines art therapy as, “a mental health profession in which clients, facilitated by the art therapist, use art media, the creative process, and the resulting artwork to explore their feelings, reconcile emotional conflicts, foster self-awareness, manage behavior and addictions, develop social skills, improve reality orientation, reduce anxiety, and increase self-esteem.” Art therapy is rooted in Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung’s theories of the subconscious and unconscious and based on the idea that visual symbols and images are the most readily accessible forms of communication. Art therapy is often used in conjunction with traditional therapies and can be especially helpful with children or adults with more limited vocabulary and means of verbal expression.

But why is art therapy so popular? For many reasons, including the following:

1. You can work through emotional issues without talking about your feelings.

According to artist and art therapist Denise Braun of HeartWork City Studios in California, “When you move your focus into your right brain through art, you start to let go of your analytical left brain. It is through that right brain creative process that we learn to release our inner critic and embrace the act of creating. It is never about the product. It is always about the process. Art therapy offers a way to unblock emotional expression without having to sit and talk about feelings. Art makes it easier to represent intense emotion without language.”

2. You feel more empowered.

Art therapy helps individuals visually express emotions and fears they were never able to articulate through conventional means, and give them some sense of control over these feelings, according to Psychology.jrank.org.

3. You can reduce stress.

In addition to the insights a therapist might gain by watching you create art or the symbols in your finished product, the very act of creating art can reduce stress. Your brain focuses on creation and the often repetitive actions of drawing lines with pencils or moving paint with a paintbrush slows relaxes your body. Coloring has become a popular creative outlet for adults in recent years because it stimulates the right side of the brain — where your creativity, intuition and visualization lie.

Stress levels go down and feelings of peace and happiness increase.

4. You express and release emotions safely.

While some strong emotions may feel too overwhelming to express verbally, they can be released in a variety of ways through art. Anger, fear and resentment might be released by throwing paint onto a canvas or pounding clay. Others might give these emotions to a character in a drawing. Some emotions feel too big to talk about but can be worked out and released through the physicality of various art forms.

5. You learn about yourself.

Interesting trends appear as you let your creative flag fly. You may be drawn to color combinations you hadn’t considered before or realize you prefer doodling circles instead of lines. Getting to know what colors, movements and materials (paint, pens, pencils, etc.) bring you peace will help you use art as a personal therapy and stress reliever.

6. You let go of chaos and connect to your inner child.

Wendy Young leads art groups to help people learn to play again. Through art she encourages them to explore their dreams and emotional blocks in a safe and creative environment.

Art Therapy is becoming trendy for a variety of reasons. First, it is becoming recognized by the medical community as providing benefits for mental health, which makes it more socially acceptable for the masses to try. Art is also easy and accessible when you release your beliefs around what it means to create art and stop judging what the end result is. When you allow yourself to enjoy the process and stop worrying about the outcome, you will find art to be a fun way to decompress!

The only question that remains is this: What will you try first?

Featured photo credit: martinak15 via flickr.com

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Need A Mood Booster? Here’re 5 Ways To Get Happier Within 1 Minute

Let’s face it – everyone hits rough spots. (Unless you are Mary Poppins, she never seemed to get upset…) You might be sailing along, happy and content and then bam! Something out of left field gets you upset. Maybe you stub your toe. Maybe you get bad news. Maybe you spill your coffee on your favorite pants. Little or big, there are times when you need a quick way to get back to happy, pronto.

Over the years, I’ve tried lots of things to help me take life’s setbacks less seriously. I’ve asked my friends what they do to cure the doldrums and many times their suggestions simply take too long, too much planning or too much money. I can’t jet off to Tahiti because my performance review didn’t go well. I can’t take the day off to have a spa day and soak in mud with cucumbers on my eyes when my feelings have been hurt. I have responsibilities, time constraints and sometimes I just want to be happy NOW! I am, after all, part of the instant-gratification generation!

Here are 5 of my go-to techniques to get happier in a minute or less!

1. Close your eyes and take a few slow, deep breathes.

Deep breathing is a great way to lower your blood pressure, calm your mind and release endorphins. When my niece was about 2, she would get really wound up and I started having her do deep breathing with me. I made a game of it: we would face each other and I’d say, “Take a deep breath in…” and she’d watch me and breath in with all her might. “Now out slowly…” and we’d breathe out together. We’d repeat that three times, facing each other and end with a little bow. It was amazing how much calmer she became! It is still a go-to technique to calm her down – and now her brothers too! I do it myself when I find my mind racing or when something trivial gets me worked up!

2. Doodle yourself happy.

If I’m in a public place, at a professional gathering or some other place where I need to be discreet, I grab a pen and doodle. Doodling can do one of two things: it can help me tune out information that is stressing me out or it can actually help me retain information. According to Sunni Brown, author of the book, The Doodle Revolution, doodling can affect how we process information and solve problems. It can actually help us retain more information than if we just listen. (I wish Sunni Brown had been around to explain that to my teachers – I’ve been a life-long doodler!)

3. Sing out loud!

Karen Carpenter was onto something when she told us to Sing out loud, sing out strong! Singing boosts circulation, increases your oxygen intake which is good for your body and your brain, decreases anxiety and releases endorphins. If you aren’t the best singer and you don’t happen to be alone when you break out into song, you may end up laughing about the situation as you spread your joy – however out of key – with others.

4. Laugh it off!

I grew up watching the Brady Bunch every day after school. One episode that stood out was when the girls were having a sleepover and they decided to play “Ha”. They laid on the floor, each girl’s head on another girl’s stomach. They started off saying “ha” and then ended up laughing for real. I tried it with friends one time, we thought we could do it without really laughing, but discovered it was just so silly we started truly giggling. Laughter has many health benefits. Laughing relaxes your muscles and relieves stress, improves mood and lowers stress hormones. So now when I’m feeling stressed, I often turn to quick and funny videos on YouTube to get me laughing – it changes my focus, makes me happy and has all the health benefits I just mentioned!

5. Jump!

Have you ever seen someone who is so angry that they start pounding their feet or even jumping up and down to make their point? Have you then noticed that their mood begins to shift? Jumping up and down, as if having a mini hissy-fit, is actually one of my favorite ways to get my happy back. I find jumping to be a go-to stress reliever when technology is not my friend. When my software crashes or my DVR forgets to record a favorite show, you may find me jumping up and down in an effort to release my frustration.

It turns out jumping is pretty amazing! It gets your blood flowing and your lymphatic system on the move. Jumping stimulates metabolism and releases serotonin – a stress relieving hormone that stabilizes your nervous system. It increases bone density and oxygen intake which helps you focus. Jump long enough and you get a cardio workout. Best of all – jumping up and down because things aren’t going your way doesn’t just make you look like a 2 year old, it makes you feel better!

These are just a few quick and easy mood boosters – some you can do discretely in a group and others that are louder and more active. So the next time life is getting you down, choose to take action to bring you back to a happier place. You don’t need a lot of money or vacation time, a minute or less will usually do the trick!

Featured photo credit: Fabien via flickr.com

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If You Really Love Yourself, You Won’t Do These 7 Things

Most people, if asked, would probably say that they love themselves. But when you start to look at how they treat themselves, a different answer begins to emerge. It’s easy to get caught up in the pressure to look, be and act a certain way; so easy in fact that we may act more lovingly towards others than we do to ourselves. I’m talking about societal, religious, family or peer group beliefs or pressure to behave a certain way, do a certain job or make yourself believe you should “be” in the world that might not align with who you really are.

The more time you spend trying to conform to everyone else’s expectations, the more lost and less loving towards yourself you may become.

Here are 7 things you won’t do if you really love yourself – how do you stack up?

1. You won’t over commit.

People who love themselves know how to say no to a lot of things so they can say yes to the things that are really important to them. While people may try to guilt or pressure you into a yes from time to time, setting boundaries with time and energy is a great sign of self-love.

2. You won’t be afraid to ask for help.

You know how to put down your cape. You know you don’t have to be all things to all people and you don’t have to do everything yourself. You love yourself enough to know when you need help or when you will be honoring and helping another by letting them get involved.

3. You won’t rely on others to make you happy.

Happiness is an inside job. If you wait for the perfect job, the perfect friend, a romantic outing planned by someone else – you may find yourself waiting to be happy. If you really love yourself, you will know what makes you happy and have things to turn to when other things are going as planned. I have a “Happy List” – a written list of things I like to do, from reading to going for a walk to my dream vacation. When I’m feeling less than happy, I grab my list and do something from the list. It’s up to ME to bring as much happiness into my life as possible, I can’t put that on someone else.

4. You won’t compare yourself to others.

They say “comparison is the thief of joy” and I couldn’t agree more. Comparing your life, your job, your success to someone else is a recipe for disaster. Because you really love yourself, you know that what you see on social media is the edited, often glamorous version of someone’s life. You don’t have all the information and know that it’s best to focus on yourself and stop the comparison game.

5. You won’t second guess your decisions.

While some people can make decisions quickly and others deliberate a long time, people who love themselves don’t second guess the decisions they make that can’t be undone. If you chose to go skiing and wish you were on a sandy beach, you know that second guessing the choice will just make you feel bad about yourself. You learn from decisions and might make different ones the next time, but you don’t spend time and energy second guessing yourself.

6. You won’t feel guilty for taking “me time”.

When you fly, they always remind you that “in the case of an emergency, put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others.” People who love themselves realize that that applies to everyday life as well. Taking some “me time” to do things you enjoy and that renew you isn’t selfish, it’s vital. You know that you are at your best when self-care is a priority.

7. You won’t beat yourself up for making a mistake.

You forgive yourself, just as you forgive others, for making mistakes. Many people put so much pressure on themselves to be perfect and then beat themselves up when they aren’t – not you! Because you love yourself, you know that you are human and that you can learn from your mistakes. You find the silver lining or the lesson and move on, forgiving yourself and focusing on the future instead of beating yourself up for something that happened in the past.

Because you love yourself, you also know that you will actually do some of these things from time to time – and you will remember #7 and not beat yourself up. The best form of self love is self-awareness, seeing when you are being unloving towards yourself and changing course. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you are perfect, it means you take care of yourself, are kind to yourself and show up in the world as best way you can every day.

Featured photo credit: Marcy Kellar via flickr.com

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6 Practical Ways To Radiate Positivity In Your Daily Life

Have you ever noticed how some people seem to have a smile and a positive outlook even when they are going through difficult times while others can only see the gray cloud no matter how many things are going right? It’s all about mindset. There are some people who seem to be born looking on the bright side and others born to worry. The question then becomes: do we have any control over our outlook or are we just born with a gut reaction of seeing the glass half full or half empty?

I believe anyone can train themselves to be more positive if they want to. Here are six practical ways to radiate positivity in your daily life.

1. Choose to be happy.

Making a choice affects the filter through which we see the events of our day. If we wake up cranky and decide it’s going to be a bad day, we see annoyances and bad things around every turn. If you instead choose to be happy, your brain will look for proof that you are, indeed happy. I will often say it out loud, “Today I choose to be happy.” Verbalizing and thinking about making the choice to be happy sends a double message to your brain: I’m happy, now prove it!

2. Make a game of gratitude.

Instead of taking things for granted, look for all the things in your life to be grateful for. When we have an attitude of gratitude, that gratitude will multiply. Make a game of it and take note of all the things, big or small, that you are grateful for. You might wake up and be grateful for a good night’s sleep or a comfortable bed. Maybe you are grateful for the person sleeping beside you. I’m grateful for indoor plumbing, soft towels and my favorite toothpaste – and that’s all before I get to the kitchen to start the coffee and make my breakfast!

Having a gratitude mindset is even more powerful when things get tricky during your day. When you are struggling with technology or having issues with a co-worker, look for something, anything, to be grateful for. One day when my internet kept going down I was grateful for my iPhone so I could still check my email while dealing the technology issues.

3. SMILE!

I remember my fifth grade teacher telling us that “it takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown”.  It  was her way of reminding the class to be happy and have positive attitudes. It turns out smiling, even when we don’t really want to, is good for us too! Research from the University of Kansas shows that smiling can help our brains and bodies recover from stress more quickly – even if the smile is a conscious choice and not a natural reaction to being happy.

4. Seek out the silver lining.

Every storm cloud has a silver lining if you just look for it. People with a positive mindset find the lesson or the up-side to whatever is going on in life. Focusing on the positive helps them recover from adversity faster.

5. Know what you can and can’t control.

Positive minded people know what they do and don’t have control over. If they can influence a situation to make it better, they will. If they don’t have any control, they control their reaction. Instead of dwelling on the negative aspects, people with a positive mindset learn to release their attachment and move on, focusing on the positive things that are happening in life.

6. Prioritize your happiness.

Make being happy a priority. When happiness is a priority it affects the choices you make about how you spend your time and who you spend it with. You will likely choose to surround yourself with other positive minded people which will in turn support your own positive mindsets.

You get to choose how you show up in the world and how you feel. What you focus on and your mindsets will affect your daily life. Choose to be happy – it makes life more fun!

Featured photo credit: Kevin Dinkel via flickr.com

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10 Ordinary Things That Make Nervous People More Nervous

Having a vivid imagination is both a blessing and a curse. If you are in a creative business, it will work to your advantage and people will think your ability to come up with new, out-of-the-box ideas is pure genius!  But when that same imagination takes hold during everyday life, you may be judged differently. Being a creative person who has had my share of unfounded nerves and the occasional panic attack, I know how bad it feels to have others say things like, “You worry too much!” or “It’s nothing! What’s your problem?”  What’s my problem? My problem is that I see impending doom more vividly than you do friend!

Here are ten ordinary things that make nervous people more nervous – see if you can relate to any! (For the record, they will also make the same nervous people laugh, when their nerves aren’t running the show.)

1. Threat of Snow

Meteorologists must love the control they have over nervous people, knowing that the second they stand in front of that map and say, “We may have snow…” hundreds of people panic and head to the nearest store for milk, toilet paper and comfort food. While they are often wrong, a nervous person knows, “They might be right!”

2. Traffic Jams

Some people can sit in traffic every day with no problem, they know it’s a fact of life. Traffic jams instantly make me hungry, thirsty, worry that I will be late and need to pee. If I’m in a traffic jam in hot weather, I also worry that my car will overheat and I’ll die of exposure.

3. Public Speaking

While many people get antsy at the thought of speaking to a large group, nervous people can break out into a sweat talking to their book club. Will every intelligent thought escape their brain the second they open their mouth or will what comes out make sense? My palms are sweating just thinking about it.

4. What to Wear to a Party

Parties are supposed to be fun. But the second a nervous person is invited to something she or he hasn’t been to before, the stress begins. “What should I wear? What will others wear? What if I’m too dressed up or too casual? Do I bring a hostess gift? If so, what?” The fear of standing out for doing the wrong thing takes hold like a death grip, often until the event is over.

5. An Unexplained Rash

Rashes happen. But when a rash appears on a nervous person or their child, their mind jumps to the worst case scenario. They add to the panic but doing research on the internet and proceed to diagnose a rare and often fatal disease. Does some anti-itch cream usually clear it up? Yes. But that doesn’t stop their wild imagination from wreaking havoc before the cream takes effect!

6. Entertaining

Like parties, having people over for dinner is supposed to be fun. But I can tell you from experience there can be a lot of pre-party panic. What should I cook and if I try something new, will it be good? How much food do I need? What kind of drinks? And the most stressful of all, for me at least, is trying to time everything to be done at the same time so everything can be hot and ready together. Let’s just say that Martha Stewart, I am not!

7. Noises on an Airplane

Airplanes are mechanical things. There are flaps, and gears and doors and wheels – things will make noise. But on most flights I take I end up telling someone with white-knuckles that the noises are not the plane about to break apart, it’s just the landing gear door opening and the wheels coming out so we can land safely.

8. Sirens

When I hear a siren, I get an immediate adrenaline rush and check to make sure I’m not speeding. My gut reaction, and that of many other nervous people, is to think the siren is about THEM. The average person calmly pulls to the side of the road and let’s whatever emergency vehicle is in a hurry pass. No paranoia, adrenaline rush or unfounded guilt – lucky them!

9. A Gas Tank Below Half-Full

I have friends who drive until the gas light comes on and they still don’t worry. They just remark that, “Oh, I need gas soon…”  SOON? You needed it about 100 miles ago! I was brought up to hit the panic button if the gas went below a half a tank. I guess my parents thought we might take a wrong turn and end up in the middle of nowhere without a gas station within 100 miles, so better safe than sorry.

10. Bees

People seem to be deathly afraid of bees or not at all – there is very little in between. Even most intellectually know that a bee will die if they sting you – so they aren’t flying around looking for people to sting – they still run, scream and flail at the sight or sound of a bee. That makes the bee panic and see them as a threat and the thing they dread most happens; they get stung.

Featured photo credit: Maxwell GS via flickr.com

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Life is a Fairytale… Here’s the Proof

Once upon a time, a reader stumbled upon beautiful pictures of faraway lands. There were ornate castles on hilltops with towers and spires that touched the sky. There were fortresses surrounded by moats and drawbridges to keep the residents safe. There was a castle built over a river and another perched like a bird, high above the sea. They saw a photograph of one of the seven wonders of the world and read how it was a romantic tribute to lost love. The reader longed to visit these magnificent sites, but for now, they would have to use their imagination to travel to these enticing destinations.

If you long to see magical castles that look like they were pulled from the pages of a fairy tale, we have hand-picked 15 for you. Because, once in awhile, in the middle of an ordinary day, fairy tales do come true. Happily ever after is out there — where will you find yours?

1. Neuschwanstein Castle, Germany

Neuschwanstein Castle is one of the most visited castles in Germany and one of the most popular tourist destinations in Europe. It’s called the “Fairy Tale” castle because it is said to have inspired Walt Disney to create the Magic Kingdom.

2. Chateau de Chenonceau, France

Chenonceau boasts five arches spanning over the Cher river in France. Called the “Ladies Castle” because it was built and later improved upon by queens of France.

3. Paro Taktsang, Bhutan

One of thirteen small monasteries or “tiger’s lairs” where the Guru Rinpoche, also known as the “Second Buddha” of Bhutan, is said to have meditated.

4. Notre Dame Cathedral, France

The Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris is the setting for the story The Hunchback of Notre Dame. It is considered one of the finest examples of French Gothic architecture in the world.

5. Blarney Castle, Ireland

This historic castle is most famous for its stone, which has the traditional power of conferring eloquence on all who kiss it.

6. Chateau de Chambord, France

Chambord is the largest château in the Loire Valley and was never completed.

7. Dunrobin Castle, Scotland

The Castle of the Earldom of Sutherland — one of the seven ancient earldoms of Scotland.

8. The Swallow’s Nest Castle, Ukraine

The neo-Gothic Swallow’s Nest castle was built by a German noble in 1912 and perches 130 feet above the Black Sea near Yalta in southern Ukraine.

9. Bodiam Castle, England

Bodiam Castle was built from 1385 and is surrounded on all sides by a moat.

10. Eltz Castle, Germany

The Eltz Castle is surrounded on three sides by a river and is still owned by the same family that lived there in the 12th century, 33 generations ago.

11. Alcazar of Segovia, Spain

The Alcazar of Segovia is built upon a large rock promontory, which is shaped like the bow of a ship. This castle is also said to have inspired Disney’s Cinderella castle.

12. Eilean Donan Castle, Scotland

One of the most recognized castles in Scotland and most popular visitor attractions in the Highlands.

13. Corvin Castle, Romania

The castle has a well 30 meters deep. Legend says that the fountain was dug by 12 Turkish prisoners, promised liberty if they reached water. However, when they did just that 15 years later, their captors did not keep their promise.

14. Prague Castle, Czech Republic

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the Prague Castle is the largest coherent castle complex in the world.

15. Taj Mahal, India

One of the seven wonders of the world, the Taj Mahal was commissioned in 1632 by the Mughal emperor Shah Jahan to house the tomb of his favorite wife of three, Mumtaz Mahal.

These are just a few of the fairytale destinations the world has to offer. If you could leave today, where would you go first?

Featured photo credit: Phil Dolby via flickr.com

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10 Signs You’ll Be A Great Mother Even If You Don’t Think So

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a test you could take to know what kind of mother you would be, or if you would even enjoy the process? Some women dive right in, just knowing in their soul that it’s what they are meant to do, while others have some reservations.

If you aren’t sure about motherhood, take a look at these 10 indicators that you would be a great mom. Let’s see how you measure up!

1. You are nurturing.

Raising children means having fun band-aids at the ready, giving hugs for both good and bad times, and providing life lessons to mold them into amazing adults. You have been through heartache, skinned your knees, and had both good and bad times, so you are already equipped! You also carve out time with your partner and understand that nurturing that relationship, with and without the kids around, is equally important.

2. You are strong.

You know that being a mom doesn’t mean you are a best friend. Enjoying your kids is great, but you are strong enough to know when to set boundaries and hand out consequences that will teach them how to act in the world.

3. You are fun.

You know how to have fun with your family. You can be silly and teach a little math while baking cookies. For example, 1/2 cup and 1/2 cup equals 1 cup! Sometimes, you can start a water balloon fight on a hot summer day. Being a mom doesn’t mean you have to lose your spontaneity and sense of fun. You just get to use it in lots of new ways!

4. You are vulnerable.

Gone are the days of the perfect mother, like Donna Reed or Leave it to Beaver‘s mom who was always impeccably dressed and wearing pearls while getting a balanced meal on the table at 5:30 pm sharp. You know it’s okay to admit to not having all the answers or making a mistake. This will also teach your children that it’s okay for them too. You will be a role model for how to fix mistakes and find answers to the things you don’t know (like more great lessons that kids need to learn).

5. You are dedicated.

When you decide to do something you are all-in. You know that having and raising kids isn’t something to be taken lightly. You are willing to do what it takes to keep them safe, help them learn, and help them grow to become confident, fun, and happy adults. You are also dedicated to keeping your relationships with your partner, family, and friends. You understand that there needs to be a balance. You know that the kids can’t always come first – and that that doesn’t make you a bad mom!

6. You are protective of those you love.

If you currently have girlfriends or family that you would drop everything for if they needed you, you are totally ready to be a mom! Being a mom is a balance of nurturing, teaching, and protecting them when you can. You know that doesn’t mean coddling them and thinking they can do no wrong, but you are willing to stand up to others who may be crossing a line when it comes to your kids.

7. You know how to ask for help.

You understand that there will be times when you need help and you won’t be afraid to ask for it. The “Super Woman” syndrome (where women try to do it all and think asking for help is a sign of weakness) is a recipe for exhaustion. A rested mom who is happy and not constantly overwhelmed is a better mom. She’s also a mom that shows her kids that asking for help is a good thing! Communicating and asking your partner for help is the key to success – divide, conquer, and live a happy life!

8. You know how to say “NO.”

Knowing how to say “no” is a key ingredient to being a mom. Kids will ask for all sorts of things and some won’t be safe. Sometimes they won’t be aligned with your family values and others will simply be out of your budget. You know that saying “NO” can be the most loving thing you can do. You don’t just say “YES” so people will like you.

9. You know you will have to eventually let go.

You understand that one day, these little humans who once depended on you for everything, will become more and more independent until they one day leave the nest. You may have mixed emotions, but you also know that that is what your job as a mom is all about – helping your kids become independent, self-sufficient members of society. (And if all goes well, they will love to visit!)

10. You are a little scared of being a mom.

If you have some doubts about how you will cut it as a mom, it probably means you will be a natural. You are thinking things through and realize having a child isn’t about someone to love YOU unconditionally, but rather another human being who you will be responsible for. They will change your life in amazing ways and challenge you at the same time.

Featured photo credit: mother and son – by Tara Reed (article author) via flickr.com

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5 Reasons Middle Children Make Great Leaders

Are you tired of all the stereotypes about middle children being overlooked, overshadowed, lazy underachievers? This middle child is! I set out to find proof to offer to my older and younger siblings, as well as the world at large, why middle children make great leaders.

They are skilled peacekeepers.

Middle children have a unique position in the family, being closer in age to both older and younger siblings. Often the eldest and youngest are separated by so many years that they have little in common. They may attend different schools and not live in the home together as long as either does with the middle sibling. The middle child often relates well with those both above and below them on the birth order ladder. These relationships make them perfectly poised to keep the peace in the family.

They are great negotiators.

Catherine Salmon, Ph.D. and co-author of The Secret Power of Middle Children, notes that middle children become good at negotiating due to their place in the family. She says that the firstborn is usually given more authority by the parents and, being older, they are often larger and stronger and use their size to get their way. The youngest often resort to whining as an effective way to get what they want. That leaves the middle child with fewer options, so he learns to figure out what others want and need, then devises a plan to meet those needs as well as their own.

These skills make middle children great leaders at work and serve them well when they have families of their own.

They are more willing to follow their passion.

Being sandwiched in between the expectations parents attach to a first born and the often coddled youngest children, the middle child is simply, the middle child. There are few preconceived notions about what the middle child should do or be, other than act as placeholder for the older and younger siblings. For that reason, many believe middles have more leeway to follow their passion. Bill Gates, a middle child with both an older and younger sister, definitely fits the bill of following his passion and forging his own way. Football star Peyton Manning, actress and singer Jennifer Lopez, singer Britney Spears are also notable middles following their passion and achieving great success. (Take that stereotype of middle children being lazy underachievers!)

They are willing to step into positions of power in order to create change.

Most people believe that firstborns hold more positions of authority. It makes sense if you think about how they have more power within the family because of their age and one might assume that would continue into adulthood. But did you know that more than half of U.S. Presidents were middle children, including John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson and Teddy Roosevelt? Two notable change agents were also middles: Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King, Jr.

They are often nicer people.

According to preeminent birth-order researcher Frank Sulloway, author of Born to Rebel, middleborns often rank highest on agreeableness during personality tests. In today’s culture of connection and transparency, that serves a middle child well. Gone are the days where CEOs made the rules and everyone followed. Today’s society wants leaders they can trust and relate to – being agreeable is a great place to start!

If you are a middle child, stand tall! Don’t feel like your parents neglected you if you got a little less attention than your older or younger siblings. They were simply empowering you to forge your own path and become an amazing leader. Sometimes being underestimated and flying under the radar is a wonderful thing.

Featured photo credit: 11911-21/J.K. Califf via flickr.com

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